What should you not say when asking for a raise?

Avoid personal-need arguments — rent, bills, a partner's job — and avoid ultimatums unless you truly mean them. Base the case on your value and the market, not your circumstances: why you've earned it, not why you want it. Comparing yourself resentfully to a colleague also tends to backfire.

What do you say if your boss says no to a raise?

Stay gracious and turn it into a plan: 'I understand. Can we agree on what would justify an increase, and a date to revisit it?' You keep the relationship warm, pin down concrete milestones, and give yourself a clear runway to the next conversation.

The Negotiation

How to ask for a raise (and what to say)

Q: How do you start a conversation asking for a raise?

Book time in advance and open on partnership, not demand: 'Thank you for making the time. I've really valued the work this year and I'd like to talk about my compensation reflecting it.' Then move straight into your results. Setting the meeting deliberately signals you're serious and considered.

Few conversations are dreaded like this one — and few reward preparation more. Ask well and you look confident and fair; ask badly and you sound apologetic or entitled. Here's how to make the case and hold your nerve.

From The Diplomat's Handbook · a guide to negotiating with grace

A raise conversation is a negotiation, and negotiations are won before they begin. The person who has done the homework — results in hand, a number in mind, a plan for a no — carries the room. Your job is to make saying yes easy and saying no awkward.

Before the meeting

Gather your evidence. List your wins with numbers: revenue, time saved, projects shipped, targets beaten. Concrete beats general every time.
Know the market. Check what your role pays elsewhere so your ask is anchored in reality, not hope.
Pick the moment. After a clear win, near a review, or before budgets lock. And always book the time — never ambush.

What to say in the room

Open on value: "Thank you for making the time. I've really valued the work this year, and I'd like to talk about my pay reflecting where I've got to."

Make the case with proof: "Since taking on [X], I've [beaten target by 28% / cut downtime 15% / led our biggest event]. Given that and the market for this role, I'd like to discuss moving to [number]."

Then stop and let them respond. Silence after your ask is a tool, not a gap to fill. Resist the urge to soften it with "but I understand if not."

Handling a no

A no is rarely final — it's often "not yet." Keep your composure and convert it into a roadmap: "I understand. Can we agree what would justify an increase, and set a date to revisit?" You leave with goodwill intact, milestones defined, and a calendar entry that makes the next conversation far harder to dodge.

What to avoid

Don't argue from personal need — rent, bills, a mortgage. Managers reward value delivered, not costs incurred. Skip the ultimatum unless you'd truly walk, and never frame it as resentment toward a better-paid colleague. Confidence, evidence, and calm carry this; grievance sinks it.

Rehearse the ask before you make it

The Diplomat's Handbook turns high-stakes conversations like this into practice — a real situation, your reply, and an honest read on how each version lands. Narrated, private, first journey free.

Get it on Google Play

Common questions

How do you start a conversation asking for a raise?

Book time in advance and open on partnership: "Thank you for making the time — I'd like to talk about my pay reflecting this year's work." Then go straight to results.

What should you not say?

Avoid personal-need arguments and ultimatums. Base the case on your value and the market — why you've earned it, not why you want it.

What if your boss says no?

Turn it into a plan: "Can we agree what would justify an increase, and a date to revisit?" Keep it warm and pin down milestones.